Hebrew Word Study – Prayer – Palal  Pei Lamed Lamed

NOTE: THIS IS FROM MY NEW BOOK ON PRAYER TO BE RELEASED THIS SPRING 

Dear Father God;

We Christians know you as Father, yet your name, the name you gave to Moses is YHWH which is in a feminine form. So, if your name is feminine, why do I call you Father?  I call you God which in Hebrew is Elohim and that is in a masculine form.  If I am referring to you as the provider, protector and disciplinarian then I shall call you Elohim or God, if you prefer. But if I am speaking to you as my nurturer, care giver and lover, I shall call you YHWH, your feminine name. Whichever name I use you still fill me with your Shekinah glory and that word Shekinah is in a feminine form, so I am filled with your love, mercy and care giving. 

I speak to you now as YHWH, my love, my passion, my precious friend and constant companion.  I speak to you only with my heart and mind. For if you exist outside my heart and mind, I shall only wish to spend eternity with you. Perhaps my mind and heart exist in another realm, another dimension of space and time where I can touch you with my words.  Although I feel your touch, I long for you to feel mine. In my heart, however, I know and am persuaded that you do feel my touch. For you feel my touch in my words to you. 

Perhaps my mind and heart only exist in a feverish dream. I try to imagine you, your warmth, gentleness, and love.  In that imagination I am wrapped in your arms shielded from the cares of this world as I share with you the deepest secrets of my heart that I share with no one on this earth.

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You have the advantage of knowing my heart and all my inner thoughts, yet I do not know yours.  Could you for a moment suspend the laws of nature, the laws of this physical world so I too can cross those boundaries that you cross as easily as I cross through the air that I breathe?  In crossing those boundaries, I shall then know your inner thoughts and heart as you know mine.  Perhaps I shall find in your heart that yearning passion for love as my heart so yearns and the quest to find such love which has eluded me all my life.  Does your heart long for this passionate love, this love that makes you light up with joy and happiness as mine so longs? If so allow me to love you with that passionate love that none of this has allowed me to give, so that my heart might find that fullness of joy and rest in being able to express the deepest love of my heart that I have never been able to express. Perhaps to finally say; “I love you.”  

If you created me to contain such love, surely it is only a dim reflection of the love you must bear.  If I should suffer the longing to be loved, the longing to feel a gentle touch, the longing for another heart to share my heart as I should share another’s, is this not what you are? How could you have created something that you have not experienced yourself and do not understand?

You do not have a physical body so you do not know the physical pain, yet you came to earth in a human body to know what physical pain is like.  You loved me so much that you wanted to know what it feels like when my human body suffers pain and torment.  If you want to know what my physical pain is like you surely want to know what the pain in my heart is like.  You too must know what it is like to have a broken heart, to feel rejection so when you take me in your arms you can truly say; “I understand, I know how painful it is.” As God you did not have to feel the pain of a broken heart, yet, you choose to love, to love me who had once rejected that love. You voluntarily made yourself vulnerable, you opened your heart to me and when you opened your heart to me, you made yourself vulnerable to have your heart broken.  When I rejected your love I broke your heart. Yet, now, when my heart breaks, I know you understand the pain of a broken heart and you know how to best heal a broken heart.  

Today a man told me I was only dreaming, that you were only an illusion and were not real. He said that you do not exist.  Yet you are dearer to me than the dearest on earth and if I should ever remove your passion and love from me, I fear I will lose my ability to breathe.  

This evening as I walked up the stairs to my apartment, I felt so alone, so without love.  Then at that moment, you crossed the barriers of space and time, you passed through your dimension into mine, you crossed what I could not cross, you came to me and not I to you. You came for only one reason to give me a hug so I would not feel so alone. I walked right into your arms and I felt your hug. Oh, how I wanted to hug you back.  Did you feel my hug? Please tell me you felt my hug.  

At that moment my dream of love, a passionate love that makes my heart glow with pleasure, my fantasy of being loved became real and I know it was your gift to me.  I ask for no other gift, except this one, when I am finally allowed to cross that barrier of time and space, I shall be able to look up at you and see you smile at me and see your eyes glow with pleasure.  We shall then give each a hug and you will then hold me from then to forever. I shall then become prayer, prayer for eternity.  For is that not what prayer is joining oneself with You? 

 

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